Dear Readers,

I once lost my love, well actually I can't say I lost what wasn't mines in the first place. Let's just say I lost out of love, yeah that sounds better. Anyway's I use to have this big crush on this guy, it wasn't love at first sight though. When I first met him, I thought he kind of looked like a llama. I don't anymore, well the first time I actually thought I had feelings for him is when I was in high school. We are in the same class, P.E, and our freinds didn't come to school today, so we were alone, talking together, and he pulls out his poem and let's me read it. The whole time I'm reading it, I thought he was talking about a girl, but it was about his love for his instrument, I think it was a clarinet or something, i don't know, but it was cute, and that's when I found him attractive. Of course I never told, and then here comes graduation, and I thought I was never going to see him or my friends again. But there was Facebook :). And every (lms) status i did, he liked it, and i would drop little hints around that I liked him, but he never caught on. Then one day he gets a girlfriend! I was really crushed, but i didn't tell him or anyone, i kept it to myself. Summer ends, and I'm still not in college :/ So I spend my time at the library, and you know what, he starts coming to the library. Few weeks later, I guess something went wrong with him and his girlfriend, because someone told him he was cheating on her, and he blamed me! Oh, I really wasn't going to take this, especially from him. I hate being blamed for something I didn't do, so I left him a long message in his inbox, and basically said that if i really did that, wouldn't I have done that to his other girlfriend, and I also told him our friendship was over. I guess he felt sorry and was trying to talk to him, but I told him off and that I also had feelings for him. He got mad because I didn't want to see him, but I finally gave in and we made up. But the worst part was that he knew that I still liked him and he got back with his girlfriend, oh yeah she also knew, and she started messaging me. She didn't say anything mean to me but it was like you have the man i like, blah, but im not like some person who would be mean to someone who isn't mean to me. One thing that kept getting on my nerves was that she kept telling me to tell john this and that, like one message to him was that she wanted me tell him that he wasn't messaging him back on Facebook and that she missed him, I was jealous! And one thing was that I knew she was playing as someone else and wanted to tell him, but then I didn't want to break up his relationship, because he seemed so happy. My cousin on the other hand, said that I needed to tell him, I don't ever remember if I did. Anyways throughtout our friendship we fought and fought, sometimes it was my fault, sometimes it was his or his girlfriends, like one time she told me to go up to him and kiss him, then walk away, I really wanted to, but I respected him and myself too much to not to, so I didn't. Now our we are past all of this, but sometimes I feel like our friendship is knid of strained when we talk, and another thing is I don't know if I still like him, but I  do want us to be back we were.